Hello. Its been long. I am once again relying on my blog to share my feelings; this time to feel lighter, rather than clarifying the emotional confusion, which I ised to do in past using my blog,and which was the purpose of this blog.
As I grew up over the past few years, experienced various ups and downs of real life, I had a chance to think about the internal confusions, which I used to have. The thought process pathway was not easy, it was itself full of self doubts and confusions; and its worth writing too but I will probably do that using a separate post since that troubling journey is too long and complicated, however, fruitful.
I used to have this uncomfortable feeling of unhappiness since years. Its actually experiencing an empty soul, not sad, not anxious, not even angry. Just empty, hopeless. It was 2 years back when I realised its depression. Over the past 2 years, I have been looking for the reason of this depression, because apparently, my life is perfect. I am a successful and shining professional according to many people, I have luxuries of life which many people crave for, I have a loving family. Yet, I fail to fight this empty feeling which has been persistently numbing me since years. And I realised that it was my introvert nature that was a hinderance for me making friends, talking to people, letting out my feelings frequently. I strangulated my soul by imprisoning my feelings. When I was in school, I had classmates, when I got promoted to higher institutes, I had colleagues, college batchmates. I was in delusion that I had friends and thats why never felt this emptiness as intensely as I do now. Because actually, they were not friends, just those studying with me.
So now what? Make friends? Yes its good making friends but eventually, everyone has their own life and engagements and cannot just sit and talk to you so you get lighter. We do have such gems in today's world but very rare. We need to learn that in the end its you who will be with you. You are the one who will give you a shoulder to cry, you are the one who will accurately and completely understand you, your needs, your happiness, your sadness, all your emotions, and then accept you without judging. Atleast I have learnt this through my journey of depression. Someday I will write about that. Till then, keep moving ahead, dream, hope, live. Life is precious.
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