When I recall my the days gone by, I remember everytime I had some difficulty (which mostly is profession or academic related), I had say "I cant do it" or "I shall never be able to overcome this difficulty". And now I realize everytime I was wrong. Everytime I had to do something hard, I would say that "I cant do it and I wont ever be able to do it" But I had to do it anyhow as it would be my responsibility and I did that hard job some how by hook or by crook. This situation would repeat with some task of higher level of difficulty. Again I would have the same fear and I would repeat the same negative words in my mind but again in the end I would do it slowly, gradually but correctly. And even now I face the same situation with even more difficult jobs to do. The only difference between now and then is that now I have realized how to tackle such a situation. Now I think that I have to accept the challenge and do it anyways. Doing it would add up to my plus points but not doing it due to my fear, would not only challenge my self confidence but also give others the chance to say that perhaps I am not capable of the job. The difference which this "challenge accepting thought" has caused is I perform the job happily and in a better way which otherwise I would have done forcibly. Now when I face such hard to do tasks, I literally feel that I am about to jump in some hell or fire, but I start it happily because I know that even if I wont perform well, I will learn from my mistake, I will have an experience and above all, the fear of that "difficult-to-perform-job" will be washed away. This is the key "when you fear something, just do it inorder to remove that fear" and this is the only statement which I keep repeating in my mind everayday I go to work and this is the statement which has enabled me to improve my professional skills and get rid of all my fears..

I think even if I get married to the most perfect person of the world (who is perfect according to me..because I have noticed that my definition of 'perfect' is different from the rest of the world), I wont be happy. Because I am so used to my freedom now that I cannot loose it for the sake of relations. And this is what creates so much confusion.So much confusion that I stop thinking about all this and just think of continuing my monotonous life.

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of their skin. People learn to hate. They can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart"
(Nelson Mandela)

Maa Jaisi Hasti, Dunya Men Hai Kahan..

For all the mothers ( dead or alive):

Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.
(Prophet Muhammad PBUH)

If I were damned of body and soul,
I know whose prayers would make me whole,
Mother o' mine, O mother o' mine
(Rudyard Kipling)

Jab chot kabhi merey lag jati thi,
To aankh teri bhe to bhar ati thi,
Aik choti si phoonk se teri,
Sabhi dard merey hotey they gum.

Teri baaton men apni har aik men,
Uljhan ka hall paleta tha,
Terey hathon ki roti aksar hi,
Bhook se ziada khaleta tha,
Tera hissa men, tera kissa men,
Jo sabko sunati ho tum
(Irshad Kamil)

Torn Apart

Roads have started to clear, fog on my goal is vanishing day by day, my tears have started to dry, my sight is gradually getting clear, new ways and routes are open, I have keys to unlock various new doors which contain within, precious and valuable opportunities..everything gets simple and easy day by day but my soul is confused and my heart still locked with the attraction of the locked door, the keys of which are owned by God and only He knows why He didnt allow me to unlock it two years back..mind orders to run forward and grab the golden opportunities which will help me to live a fully successful life..yes fully successful but not happy..not happy because my heart still forces me to wait for the locked door to open..the heart gives me an illusion that the locked door will open one day and that I shall have the reward of my patience..in this war of mind and heart my soul is stuck in between. This mind - heart war has made my soul confused..it has scared my soul to move in either direction..so now even if the locked door opens; the door which I considered to be source of both happiness and success; my soul would be doubtful about it..this 2 year duration war between my mind and heart has made my soul tired..it just wants to stay where it is..and my soul says it wont take even a step..neither towards the locked door nor towards the open chances..come what may.

This is one of my favourite verses from Quran...just two lines enough for our gratification..so no need to worry about back biters..since the power to humiliate you is only in the hands of Allah.. and no need to make extra efforts or attract people towards yourselves or flatter someone to make a good impression of yourself because the power to honor you is in control of Allah..and since I like putting effects on pictures so I adjusted the Arabic and English translation of the verse and put some effects on it ;)

What If.....????

Its been a while since I last posted on my blog. I have almost forgotten to convert my thoughts and feelings into words. Just been busy with my health and profession lately so got less time to compose proper posts for blog...was wondering lately if it happens in every profession or its just because that I am a beginner in my profession..when I was younger i had this worrying "school next day feeling" Haha! Now I have "job next day feeling"...do all professionals (or atleast junior professionals) of any field; let it be medicine, dentistry, engineering, business or fine arts etc etc; have this creepy feeling deep inside them as in what will they have to face tomorrow when they got to work? lets take my profession i.e dentistry for example..there is hardly a day or two in the week when I dont have this worrying feeling..will the simple filling do it or shall I have to take the headache of root canal to increase the prognosis of my treatment? will I find all the root canals in the tooth? Will the canals be wide and fine or they will be narrow and sclerosed? I hope I dont break a file in my canal? I hope I dont perforate the tooth.. I hope the tooth comes out easily tomorrow without any bone cutting..I hope I get good access to the tooth which needs treatment..
I know most of the above mentioned words are not understood by you..these are all the worries of a dental professional..in short "I hope the case goes well without any problems or errors"..one more thought "What will people think of me if I am not able to work and perform well?" I dont know how to get rid of these thoughts..I dont know if people of every profession feel like this about their work..It decreases my efficiency at home because this feeling forces me to think about my cases and job even at home..I cannot have a peaceful sleep unless the case is done without an error or unless the error is covered up and the patient is satisfied and happy..I dont know if it only happens with younger professionals like me or with every professional..I want to relax at home by doing what I love..watching some inspirational movies or Pakistani dramas, painting on fabric, blogging, reading my profession's books without any exam worries ahead, reading autobiographies of different people, making something healthy and yummy to fill my tommy, etc etc..but the clinic thoughts wont let me concentrate on something else..the bothering thoughts wont even let me study for my postgraduation exams..LOL..what to do..I think I will have to befriend with these worrying thoughts until one day I become the master of my field (InshaAllah) so that I can do all cases confidently without any anxiety..but I fear I shall miss some really beautiful dimensions of my life then..thats where priorities come..I think excellent and successful professionals who stand unique amongst their colleagues today must have lost some major elements of their lives..I think its upto us what we choose..what we love in our life..we really get what we love if we put in all our efforts but we also loose few other important things in the race..thats the most bitter truth of life. "You dont get all" ..and even more bitter is "You sometimes dont even get what you love the most inspite of all your efforts"