Am I a corner of THE TRIANGLE?? I am not sure if I should be happy or honored to have a chance to be one of the corners of the triangles. Had it been a TWO CORNERED SITUATION with me being one of the corners, it would have been easier for my mind and heart! However such conditions are always complicated and I have always strongly believed that these situations are not in our hands..Moreover it can also be an exaggerated creation of my mind! 

When I recall my the days gone by, I remember everytime I had some difficulty (which mostly is profession or academic related), I had say "I cant do it" or "I shall never be able to overcome this difficulty". And now I realize everytime I was wrong. Everytime I had to do something hard, I would say that "I cant do it and I wont ever be able to do it" But I had to do it anyhow as it would be my responsibility and I did that hard job some how by hook or by crook. This situation would repeat with some task of higher level of difficulty. Again I would have the same fear and I would repeat the same negative words in my mind but again in the end I would do it slowly, gradually but correctly. And even now I face the same situation with even more difficult jobs to do. The only difference between now and then is that now I have realized how to tackle such a situation. Now I think that I have to accept the challenge and do it anyways. Doing it would add up to my plus points but not doing it due to my fear, would not only challenge my self confidence but also give others the chance to say that perhaps I am not capable of the job. The difference which this "challenge accepting thought" has caused is I perform the job happily and in a better way which otherwise I would have done forcibly. Now when I face such hard to do tasks, I literally feel that I am about to jump in some hell or fire, but I start it happily because I know that even if I wont perform well, I will learn from my mistake, I will have an experience and above all, the fear of that "difficult-to-perform-job" will be washed away. This is the key "when you fear something, just do it inorder to remove that fear" and this is the only statement which I keep repeating in my mind everayday I go to work and this is the statement which has enabled me to improve my professional skills and get rid of all my fears..

I think even if I get married to the most perfect person of the world (who is perfect according to me..because I have noticed that my definition of 'perfect' is different from the rest of the world), I wont be happy. Because I am so used to my freedom now that I cannot loose it for the sake of relations. And this is what creates so much confusion.So much confusion that I stop thinking about all this and just think of continuing my monotonous life.

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of their skin. People learn to hate. They can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart"
(Nelson Mandela)

Maa Jaisi Hasti, Dunya Men Hai Kahan..

For all the mothers ( dead or alive):

Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.
(Prophet Muhammad PBUH)

If I were damned of body and soul,
I know whose prayers would make me whole,
Mother o' mine, O mother o' mine
(Rudyard Kipling)

Jab chot kabhi merey lag jati thi,
To aankh teri bhe to bhar ati thi,
Aik choti si phoonk se teri,
Sabhi dard merey hotey they gum.

Teri baaton men apni har aik men,
Uljhan ka hall paleta tha,
Terey hathon ki roti aksar hi,
Bhook se ziada khaleta tha,
Tera hissa men, tera kissa men,
Jo sabko sunati ho tum
(Irshad Kamil)

Torn Apart

Roads have started to clear, fog on my goal is vanishing day by day, my tears have started to dry, my sight is gradually getting clear, new ways and routes are open, I have keys to unlock various new doors which contain within, precious and valuable opportunities..everything gets simple and easy day by day but my soul is confused and my heart still locked with the attraction of the locked door, the keys of which are owned by God and only He knows why He didnt allow me to unlock it two years back..mind orders to run forward and grab the golden opportunities which will help me to live a fully successful life..yes fully successful but not happy..not happy because my heart still forces me to wait for the locked door to open..the heart gives me an illusion that the locked door will open one day and that I shall have the reward of my patience..in this war of mind and heart my soul is stuck in between. This mind - heart war has made my soul confused..it has scared my soul to move in either direction..so now even if the locked door opens; the door which I considered to be source of both happiness and success; my soul would be doubtful about it..this 2 year duration war between my mind and heart has made my soul tired..it just wants to stay where it is..and my soul says it wont take even a step..neither towards the locked door nor towards the open chances..come what may.

This is one of my favourite verses from Quran...just two lines enough for our gratification..so no need to worry about back biters..since the power to humiliate you is only in the hands of Allah.. and no need to make extra efforts or attract people towards yourselves or flatter someone to make a good impression of yourself because the power to honor you is in control of Allah..and since I like putting effects on pictures so I adjusted the Arabic and English translation of the verse and put some effects on it ;)